How to stop nursing to sleep
Nursing is extremely comforting and regulating to babies, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that nursing to sleep is often the easiest routine to help your baby settle to sleep. It’s a biological norm!
And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with nursing to sleep, there comes a time when parents want to move away from this sleep association.
“Sleep associations” are strong connections that babies make with sleep- whether that’s nursing, singing, rocking, or rubbing their back. These associations signal to your baby that it’s time to sleep. When your baby associates sleep with nursing, they rely on nursing to settle and resettle throughout the night meaning you’re awake and on call for every arousal.
Nursing to sleep might be your baby’s preference, but it doesn’t always work for you and your family- and that’s ok.
If you love breastfeeding your baby, just not constantly in the middle of the night, there is a path forward that honors your nursing relationship and quality sleep for the whole family.
What would it look like to stop nursing your baby to sleep?
Easier bedtimes and more flexibility in your evening routine. You’re no longer responsible for every single bedtime. You can enjoy more freedom in the evenings without being tied to the rocking chair and monitor. (AKA- you can stop skipping those skincare steps and sit back to enjoy a glass of orange wine).
Longer stretches of sleep. Once your baby gains confidence self-settling, they will start sleeping longer and get into a deeper sleep - increasing the quantity and quality of their sleep, and yours.
More energy and rest for you. Getting enough sleep allows you to show up as your most vibrant self. Impacts of sleep deprivation include heightened stress response, increased likelihood of PPD, increased conflict in marriage, weakened immune system, and feelings of overwhelm. This a huge list of symptoms that doesn’t support a happy and healthy mother-baby dyad.
As much as you love nursing, being “on call” all night can be physically and mentally draining. Nursing to sleep might become more of a habit than a necessity, and breaking that habit can lead to better sleep for the whole family. Now let’s get into how you can stop nursing to sleep.
First of all, you’re doing amazing.
I want you to let go of the idea that your baby needs to nurse to fall asleep. It’s not selfish to want a sleep routine that benefits everyone. Setting loving limits and creating a sustainable sleep schedule is part of being a responsive and attuned parent.
Yes, babies love nursing. Of course they do! It’s soothing for their nervous system, but it doesn’t have to be the only way for them to fall asleep. Their desire to nurse is normal behavior, and you’ve done great so far meeting all of their needs. But it’s okay to make a change and help them adjust to something new.
How to make the transition:
The goal is not to stop nursing entirely, but to separate feeding from sleep. By adding new sleep associations, you can help your baby become an independent sleeper while continuing your breastfeeding relationship.
Refresh the bedtime routine.
Move the feeding to the beginning of the bedtime routine, followed by books or songs. This creates a calming wind-down without linking nursing and sleep.
Introduce alternate settling methods.
Rocking, patting, or gentle back rubs in the crib can replace nursing as a comfort cue. Start with support in the room and gradually move to using just verbal reassurance and then stepping out of the room.
Some babies do well with a mix of space and reassurance (like popping in every 5-10 minutes), while others need more hands-on comfort.
Note: this process might bring up some feelings for everyone. Is it natural for your baby to feel upset during this transition? Absolutely. They’re navigating unfamiliar territory, feeling tired, and wishing things could stay the same. This is temporary! With your steady support and willingness to hold space for your baby’s reaction, your baby will become comfortable with the new routine.
Stay consistent during night wakings.
Offer the same type of settling support as you did at bedtime. If you’re keeping one night feed, make sure your baby goes back to their crib awake after nursing.
Enjoy some much needed rest for everyone.
With your baby sleeping happily in the crib and parents getting quality, predictable rest, you’ll be so grateful that you made these changes, like my client Pia:
“After 6 nights the whole family was getting an uninterrupted night of sleep. We are now a couple of months out and I can truly say this change has been transformative for my experience of parenting. It has also unlocked our daughter's personality in a way we could never have anticipated. After sleeping well all night she has so much more energy during the day, her appetite is strong and she's eating better than she ever has, and there is generally less crying because she's well rested. Thank you, Ella! We couldn't have done it without you!”
-Pia Gadkari
Another thing to note- crib confidence.
Sleep isn’t a skill you teach, but the way your baby finds sleep can be learned. The routines and cues you use will help your baby feel secure in their sleep space, which is key for independent sleep.
Familiarity with their crib is crucial. The more comfortable your baby is in their sleep space, the easier it will be for them to resettle when they wake up during the night. You might consider adding some playtime in their crib throughout the day to help them associate their crib with positive experiences.
Transitioning away from nursing to sleep doesn’t mean the end of your breastfeeding journey. Instead, it’s about creating a sleep routine that works for everyone, allowing your whole family to thrive.
You can’t show up for your family 24/7 with your cup empty or half-full. By taking steps to help your baby sleep more independently, you’re carving out space for your own rest and energy, which benefits EVERYONE.
Sound like something your family needs? Take the first step in finding your sleep bliss by booking a consultation call!
To better sleep,
Ella