Overcoming the mental load of baby sleep: a guide for tired moms
The “rules” for baby sleep can have mothers and fathers doing mental gymnastics to make sure they do everything “right.” Wake windows, overtiredness, sleep associations- there’s a lot of information out there, and it can feel overwhelming.
But there’s one sleep rule that I always enforce with my clients:
Sleep should not be a source of constant stress.
This blog is written as a guide for exhausted parents to break down and understand the most confusing aspects of baby sleep, so you can stop overthinking, start trusting your instincts, and work toward sleep routines that benefit the ENTIRE family.
Wake windows- helpful or not?
Wake windows, based off average sleep needs date, refer to the time your baby is awake between naps. They’re meant to help structure your baby’s schedule and daytime sleep, supporting longer, more restful nights. But let’s be real—many parents end up glued to the clock, worrying that missing the “perfect” window will lead to total chaos. If your baby ends up tired, you will all bounce back.
Here’s the truth: Wake windows are a guideline, not a rulebook. If your baby gets overtired, you’ll adjust and move forward. Sleep isn’t as fragile as it seems. Use wake windows as a tool, not a source of stress!
Clock-based schedule- the better alternative to wake windows
Rather than tracking wake windows, a clock-based schedule means your baby naps and goes to bed around the same times each day. This approach eliminates the mental math of wake windows and allows your baby’s internal body clock to consistently recognize when sleep happens. Wake windows can be incredibly helpful in the first few months, but once your baby is 5 months, I recommend moving to three nap schedule by the clock.
A clock-based schedule is also a great way to make sure naps are properly aligned throughout the day, especially if early morning wakings are occurring.
If a nap is shorter than expected, it’s okay. Remember that babies are going to baby and one less-than-ideal day of naps isn’t a pattern.
“Overtiredness”
Yes, overtiredness can make it harder to fall asleep and negatively impact quality of REM sleep due to increased cortisol levels in the body. That being said, overtiredness isn’t something to fear or plan your entire day avoiding. If your baby is awake a little longer than expected—especially if they’re content—there’s no need to panic.
Sleeping through the night (STTN)
There’s no universal definition of STTN. Some say it means a baby sleeps five hours without a feed; others say it means a full night’s rest without waking. At Ella Grace Sleep Solutions, STTN means your baby confidently sleeps 11-12 hours in their crib without parental support and wakes up well-rested.
How to get your six-month old sleeping through the night
Sleep associations
Sleep is a biological function, but how babies settle to sleep is learned
Independent sleep associations: Things that help baby sleep independently, like a crib, white noise, pacifier, sleep sack, or a dark room.
Dependent sleep associations: Sleep cues that require parental involvement, like rocking, nursing, or holding.
If a dependent sleep association isn’t sustainable for you, it’s not a “bad habit,” but rather something to move away from when you’re ready to make a change.
How to stop nursing to sleep | Dealing with separation anxiety at bedtime
Sleep shaping
Sleep shaping is all about following sleep-friendly foundations in the early weeks and months, without the pressure of formal sleep training. It can include:
Establishing an optimal feeding relationship
Helping baby distinguish day from night
Following a simple but consistent bedtime routine
Starting the day around the same time
Allowing baby to fall asleep on their own when they’re calm and drowsy
The goal is setting the stage for better sleep while being responsive to your baby’s needs.
Worried about sleep training? A balanced approach for whole family wellness exists.
Drowsy but awake
This method encourages babies to practice falling asleep in their crib while drowsy but not fully asleep. This is a sleep shaping technique and not a sleep training technique. Some infants take to it easily; others don’t. It’s not sleep training, and it’s not mandatory, just another tool in your sleep toolbox.
Books people swear (and sleep) by:
12 Hours by 12 Weeks: Suggests stretching feeds to every four hours during the day to encourage sleeping through the night as early as possible.
Moms on Call: Advocates for early scheduling and independent sleep habits from birth.
Both methods have their fans, but remember: no book knows your baby better than you do!
At the end of the day (literally), no single approach works for every baby. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and remember you’re the expert on your child. Sleep will come, and you’re doing an amazing job.
For more free resources, you can browse my free sleep solutions studio.
To better sleep,
Ella